This has been brewing for a while...

A dear friend asked me the other day how becoming a mother has affected my relationship with Steve. That got me thinking about how it's also affected my relationship with God, and I think I've come to the conclusion that this new phase of my life has introduced me to my own mediocrity. Before having Archie, I could pretty much succeed at most things if I tried hard enough, exercised enough determination, concentrated enough or spent enough time on whatever it was I was trying to achieve. But thesedays, I'm having a good day if I've got the washing on the line, vaguely thought about dinner, ventured out in Sydney traffic and not damaged the car (I've had a scrape or two since moving here). I really don't feel like I have an awful lot left to give anyone at the end of the day. I'm wanting to make new friends here in Sydney, but I'm exhausted most of the time and I find myself wondering where all my reserves of determination and conviction have gone.

I recently read a blog about a great godly lady who has abondoned her singing career to raise her three children and support her husband in ministry. I was so encouraged by this, yet at the same time, thinking that though I can identify with her sacrifice, unlike her, I haven't got an awful lot of giftedness to point to and say 'Look what I've given up' (Something which I've been able to hide from myself and the rest of the world by throwing my efforts into all sorts of things). So the bottom line is, I'm learning all over again that my self-worth doesn't come from what I can do for God or anyone else. I am encouraged by what the Lord says to Paul in 2 Corinthians 9, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness".

I'm not at all unhappy about my decision to stay at home with Archie and any other children God blesses us with. In all of this it has been wonderful to remember that really none of us have anything to offer God, even those more talented than I received their talents from God to use for his glory. It's such a reief to know that all God wants from me is faithfulness to him and even that is a work his Spirit does. Please pray for me as I work out more and more how I can glorify God and serve him in this new phase of life.